Bob the tool guy

I think if I was ever asked to describe myself in one sentence I would state that I am a tool guy (not a tool---that's a topic for another column).  I have always loved tools--shopping for them, buying them, arranging and storing them, and even using them.  My first toolbox was a sturdy gray Sears hip-roof box with a lift-out tray full of many of the wrenches, pliers, and screwdrivers that I still have today.  Sometime my wife and kids don't understand me when I get frustrated if they misplace or lose a tool--most of my tools have been around for more years than they have, and I've grown very attached to them.  Debbie does appreciate having all of my tools available whenever she is working on a church project--she'll hand me a list of the tools and materials, and I usually have it all in stock.  She also appreciates quality--I once equated the Pampered Chef utinsil she was using to be like a  "Snap-on" tool for a kitchen, which is very strong praise indeed. 

I take my tools very seriously---I HATE to not have the correct tool needed for the job.  It drives me nuts to see some doofus using a pair of pliers to turn a nut, or even using an adjustable wrench instead of the correct socket or combination wrench.  It annoys me even more if someone asks me for a tool and I don't have it to lend to them.  A friend once needed a 19 mm hex socket to install crash bars on his Harley, and I told him I thought I had one.  I discovered that the largest one I had was a 17 mm, so after shamefully telling him I was mistaken, I went back in the house and ordered a complete set of large size hex sockets from Ebay.  It's the principle of the thing--you are either a tool guy or you are not!!

Even better than having a gnarly collection of tools is knowing a more accomplished tool guy than yourself.  In my case, that would be my buddy Mike.  He not only owns all the heavy-duty tools that I don't have (like a welder, torch, panel saw, hammer drill, paint sprayer etc.), but he knows how to use them.  He has helped me build a Rainbow playset in my backyard, wire a hot tub, put in a fence, finish a garage room, and various other projects that would paralyze your average idiot.  The best thing about him is that he cares more about my project than I do (especially after I worked for hours on it in the heat or cold), so the quality is topnotch and always to his standards.

Once Deb's dad broke a light bulb off in the socket while changing it, and was afraid of electrocuting himself if he went any further.  When he told Deb about his problem, she informed him of the classic "Martha Stewart" tip of cutting a potato in half and using it to screw the bulb out.  As I listened to her suggest that to him I said "You are right about having Steve cut a potato in half, but then tell him to fry it up in a pan, and make some scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast.  Then, invite Mike and me for breakfast and we'll turn off the power and use some vise-grips to get the broken part out the right way".  Here's my best advice for a happy and low-stress life---everyone should make it their goal to assemble a quality set of tools, and learn how to use them safely and correctly.  More importantly---find a neighbor, relative, or friend like Mike that is a handy guy, and buy him lunch regularly.....til next time....Bob